Gay on a Budget // Fem is handsome too Gay on a Budget // Fem is handsome too Gay on a Budget // Fem is handsome too

I always thought I was an ugly boy. I still do sometimes. I’ve never been bullied or particularly rejected in life due to my looks… I just feel like it’s a reality that exists whether I accept it or not. This isn’t the sort of faux “I’m ugly” admission that you often see exclusively from ridiculously attractive people who are playing the humble, self-loathing game to appear more relatable. It’s real. It’s how I feel. And a thing named homonormativity is what’s to blame.

In essence, homonormativity is a social trend that privileges those in the queer community that come the closest to mimicking heterosexuality. For example, and most prominently, masculine and muscular gay men are elevated in our community, and represent the epitome of every teen queen’s wet dreams, and single gay’s escape from loneliness. All the gay magazines and gay websites of the world flock to cover every ab, bicep, and bulge of these men, because it’s not like the queer community is in the middle of a movement for equality or anything newsworthy like that.

While the mags and blogs cover these men, gays like me, y’know, the fem, in your face, sassy ones, are condemned to roles as comedy pieces, and fashion or interior designers. I’ve never seen a person like me, portrayed 3-dimensionally on TV, in video games or books, and certainly not in movies. When I see myself in the media it’s when they’re throwing out one-liners like, “Oooooh gurl,” “Oh no she dih-int,” and “FABULOUS.” And I’m fine with that. I love that part of myself and couldn’t care less about butch gays that think that the stereotype based on gays like me, and our existence in this world, as an inconvenience to their perfectly “normal” reality. But there’s more to me, and more to these gays than sass, hair flips, and jokes. Sure, I throw my fairy dust around, and vogue with the best of them (not really though), but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with deep personal demons, stand up for my friends, and fight hard for everything I have in my life.

It’s through this ignorance and simplification by the media that I’ve learned to create outlets and mediums for my expression and self-love. It’s a work in progress and I still admittedly find myself feeling lesser than the “dream gays,” but I’m accepting that beauty is relative and that neither the media nor society’s preferences are an indication of quality. I mean, mainstream media embraces hacks like Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber, so really I’m happy that they don’t pull us fem gays into their spotlight.

I know I’ll probably never see a fem gay in the role of the lusted after character in a romantic drama, or as the multi-layered leader in a novel series of Harry Potter or Hunger Games proportions. So in the meantime, I’ll just keep writing my own stories.