Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No

A day that started with a trip to the local laundromat ended with a meal at a fine dining establishment. Yep. That kind of duality in life keeps things interesting, to say the least. And those that don’t consider POD fine dining can sashay away. If the plates and portions are small and the prices are big it’s fine dining.

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But that didn’t happen til later, so let’s take a few steps back. I’ma be honest and say that I’ve never actually had to go to a laundromat before. I was always privileged enough to have machines of washing and drying in my house. So when my boyfriends Rob and Tommy (for clarification purposes, not bragging) asked me to go along with them for a major trip to the laundromat–or more accurately when I invited myself–I was totally excited to try something new.

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No

YES. I was excited to go to the laundromat. I even tried to dress extra cute for the excursion. Did I succeed, at least from the torso up? (Just say yes, for my self-esteem’s sake.)

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No

I definitely helped. But I also definitely turned this trip into a photo extravaganza. I was taking pictures in anything that cast a reflection, and basically anything with color. My privilege was probably showing really hard because I’m sitting there taking pictures of clothes in the washer. I should have probably felt embarrassed, but I love the hot mess life. Like I shouldn’t be blamed if my poses bother other people. That’s a them problem, not a me problem.

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But NoI gained a few testosterones from all the lifting, carrying, folding, and transferring, and was thoroughly done afterward. That’s not my thing in life, manual labor. If I was supposed to move things around God would’ve given me bigger arms. I was made small and non-muscular for a reason. Although, to be fair, Rob and Tommy both asked me multiple times if I was fine carrying the heavy bag of laundry I opted to grab. The big bag was big and yellow, so it caught my attention, and it seemed much cuter than carrying one of the trash bags.

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No

After my tiny arms stopped shaking from the heavy lifting we made reservations at POD, which I’ve wanted to go to forever–because HELLO cute aesthetic and yummy food–and were on the EL shortly after. We had our hearts set on getting a pod at POD, because they’re essentially these adorable eating areas where you’re separated and totally better than everyone at a regular table, and plus you can change the color in your little area. But when we arrived we were carted to a regular table. I hid my grimace from the host, but pouted extra hard at Rob and Tommy, who being much less diva than me, had already started looking at the menu, unaware that they were supposed to be feeling some type of way about not getting a pod. Soon enough we ordered our foods from an awkwardly cute waiter, who was probably around a 7, and then we waited.

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No

In between ordering and waiting for our food I noticed that like 90% of the staff was totally attractive. It felt like a futuristic world where ugliness had been wiped out, leaving a human race of 7’s and up. It felt like Brave New World. Thankfully the delicious food–particularly the burn of wasabi–took my attention off everything except my plate. The only complaint I have was that the servings were small, but that’s what you get when you eat at fancy places like POD where you’re mostly paying for ambiance. While I may have been privileged enough to have a washer and dryer I was not nearly privileged enough to eat at places like this. I didn’t eat out much to be honest, so I was going to take pictures the house down before I left. And I also was intent on getting a cute photo of Rob and Tommy, because up to this point their faces had resisted candid photos.

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No

Post-POD we decided to explore the local nerd joint called Redcap’s Corner, which, I won’t even lie, was a wonderland of goodies. If I’d had money in my wallet I may have been tempted to purchase something. But the gaming tournament that was going on in the back of the store, and the noticeable domination of men and lack of women in such a small space made me nervous. I quickly yanked Rob and Tommy out of the store so we could head home and be nerds there with some Borderlands 2 and RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No

If you’re still reading you might be wondering what the point of this post is besides me recounting the past week. Well, the point is that I’m talking about the stuff that makes me happy, because we all should. So much of life is spent on us venting about the bad shit that happens to us, which is fine. But shouldn’t we be spending more time delivering long, uncomfortable rants about the great day we had instead of how 40-year old Joe Schmo on the bus told you how gorgeous you were and asked if you thought he was attractive or if you thought a 7.5 inch cock was attractive (true story, it happened to me)? So if this post seems pointless to you, I won’t disagree, because maybe it is silly of me to think anyone cares what I’m doing with my life. But I’m still going to write anyway, because IDGAF. Bam!

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But NoAmidst all my public transportation usage of late I’ve fallen deep into reading. I never had a problem with reading, nor did I ever stop altogether, but in terms of novels and long-reads I definitely slowed down. After being forced to read things through my undergraduate career, I’d begun to think of reading books as more of a task and less of a thing to enjoy. I decided to start reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo per my stepdad’s recommendation, but perhaps even more so because of the great things I’ve heard about its main female character, Lisbeth Salander. Two words. Four syllables. Total badass.

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No

Taking cues from Salander, I’ve begun to do and say whatever I want, when I want, and boy is it awesome. If I want to eat pizza and play video games I’m going to do it. If I want to play zombie board games and roleplay the characters I’m going to do it. If I want to vogue in the front seat of the car I’m definitely going to do it. I’ve never felt this free in my life and it’s completely indescribable.

Gay on a Budget >> I Totally Get What You're Saying But No

I can never figure out how to end these really long vibe posts, so I’ll just do whatever I want. Above is a picture from a drawing game that Rob, Tommy, and I played. Tommy’s challenge was to draw ‘paranoid,’ and so he drew the picture with the red eyes. Rob and I were not even close to guessing the right answer, so eventually I just started channeling Family Guy. It was a great night for sure. Everyone should take a night or evening off to do nothing besides play board games. You won’t regret it; unless you play Monopoly.

Monday Links: Unarmed, Under Attack, and Unstoppable

Photo of Anthony Robinson with his mother, Andrea Irwin, via the Daily Mail.

Another day, another black life cut short by the same people who are supposed to protect and serve us. This time it was the unarmed, 19-year old, Anthony Robinson, who was shot and killed by an officer of the Madison Police Department. The officer who killed Robinson, named Matt Kenny, has definite baggage which will absolutely play a role in this case. Like for one, he has shot and killed a suspect before. Needless to say, protestors are quickly organizing for justice.

Details of what went down in the confrontation that led to Robinson’s death are emerging, primarily those attempting to discredit Robinson and his witnesses and support the police department, which is not surprising seeing as that’s how systematic oppression works. But in the meantime, Robinson’s mother is reportedly asking that her son not be dehumanized by the media in the same way that Mike Brown and Trayvon Martin were. This is shaping up to be another Ferguson, which is exactly what this country needs because people think they can keep sweeping systematic black oppression under the rug. Nope. Not anymore. Not ever again. A new day is coming. Rest in peace Anthony Robinson.

Monday Links: Unarmed, Under Attack, and Unstoppable

Image via Refinery29.

Refinery29 launched an immensely important series on trans life in the United States and gave some hope that maybe, just maybe, 2015 will be the year that we destroy transphobia and trans oppression. The aptly named Trans America has an in-depth map which shows the status of trans rights and liberty in each state, ranging from “Very Good” to “Unacceptable.” Even better, the series features a super detailed ranking of each state, from best to worst. The realities across this country, listed so neatly in a comprehensive list, need to serve as a major wake-up call to the queer community as a whole so that maybe we start focusing on something besides gay marriage and white boys for once. Basically, the editors and writers that took on this project deserve a healthy helping of applause, love, and respect. Love ya R29!

Monday Links: Unarmed, Under Attack, and Unstoppable

Screen grab of GANG, via Dazed Digital.

GANG is a short film starring Mela Murder, Denasia Moore, and Infinite Coles, and it will probably empower you to leave all the bullshit of your life behind and just live. I’m not really interested in telling you who produced the movie and all that jazz, because if you want to find out details about production you can check the link above. What I’m really interested in telling you is how the film, about a young trio of friends, search for themselves through love, loss, and “psychological confinement.” ‘Real’ would be an understatement. It made me want to go out late at night with my friends and just act a whole hot mess, because really, who gives a flying eff what other people or society think? GANG is setting itself up for wide success between its vogue-ing runs, trippy lighting, sick urban settings, hauntingly real dialogue, and scenes that really capture what it’s like being young and out of control. Dazed, who published the movie, tells readers to look out for more in the next few days, so I’m just going to wait here until something new comes up.

Monday Links: Unarmed, Under Attack, and Unstoppable

Photo of Eileen Kramer, via the Huffington Post.

100-year old Eileen Kramer reminds us that age ain’t nothing but a number. She’s one of the world’s oldest choreographers and she has no plans of stopping. Her enchanting and graceful form of dance captivate those around her and has inspired dancers all over the world to never stop dancing.

Monday Links: Unarmed, Under Attack, and Unstoppable

Photo of the author, Dahlia Grossman-Heinze, and her mother, via The Butter.

Dahlia Grossman-Heinze shared her story about being read as white, on The Butter. It’s a powerful tell-all about the internal struggle of wanting people to see you as you are, and not what they think you are. People have this need to box you in so that you’re easier to label, but when we don’t look like what people expect we can be quickly mislabeled. Grossman explains how she learned to slip bits of information into conversations to let people know who she really is, a skill that took years of practice. As a light-skinned, bi-racial person myself I’m often thought of as only white, which leaves my whole Latino half out of the equation, standing out in the rain like that Doctor Who gif. I found myself nodding throughout the entire piece because she’d found the words I never could.

GTFO, which will première at SXSW, is a bold documentary that explores misogyny facing women in gaming. The doc, which was filmed before Gamergate exploded on Twitter, is not a refresher course on the current movement. It focuses more on the perspectives of women in the gaming world, as opposed to casting a wide generalization on what the gaming world is like for them. Why talk for women when they can talk for themselves, right? It’s a mixed bag of women, some of whom are able to shirk off harassment, and others who have received such dark threats–one in particular was told that they would wait for her children and murder them–that the only natural response is to be shaken to the core. These are stories that need to be told, and one can only hope that the gaming industry will begin to make major shifts in the culture as a whole, so that women don’t have to fight just to join in. Because change is coming whether the video game boy’s club wants it to or not.

Monday Links: Unarmed, Under Attack, and Unstoppable

Image of Samus (Metroid) redesigned by Anna Fehr.

Some extraordinary women science fiction artists have created INTERNET GOLD. These women redesigned famous female characters, most of whom would question their creators regarding their unhelpful, and restrictive armor and outfits, if they could. Their aim? To outfit these women sensibly, as opposed to having them dressed to appeal to the male gaze that dominates both gaming and science fiction. They basically want creative industries to think of women when portraying women, instead of y’ know, thinking about men. They’re not asking for a lot. And they’re not about de-feminizing women because feminine women can kick as much ass as any other woman. They just think that a woman headed into battle or combat should probably not have a skin-tight body suit or be on the brink of a major boob pop outage.

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

LONG TIME NO TALK. It’s been a while since my last post, but I swear it’s not because I don’t love my blog. I’d sacrifice your first-born child to keep it going. I’ve just been wrapped up in something amazing: two boys to be specific.

The picture above was a painting done by one of them for Valentine’s Day. And before you go thinking I’m queen of the sleazeballs, know that I’m in a closed, committed and loving polyamorous relationship with both of them. Anywaysss, back to the painting. He used yellow and gold trimmings to represent my aura. He says that my aura could be completely gold, which is completely rare, but that I’m blocking myself from my beautiful potential, which sounds right.

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos? Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

So you might still be stuck on the whole polyamorous love triangle thing–and if you’re not, good for you, you’re uber open-minded! But if you are, particularly if you know me and you’re surprised, I’m probably going to disappoint you, because I don’t have some crazy involved story. I never had plans to get into a relationship with my boyfriends, in fact, I went in against the idea, resigned to keeping them forever friend-zoned. But it didn’t work. Despite my preconceived notions about love, what it looks like, and how you’re supposed to do it, I fell for them.

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

They make me laugh, they give me solace, they make me feel special, and they’re sweet–but not as sweet as the Nerds left over from Valentine’s Day. Yum! But for real, I don’t think I’d be looking too cute, or doing much else other than sleeping if not for my boyfriends. Anyone that writes understands how hard it is to find a job in the industry, and I’m no exception. Between rejections, no responses, and almost securing two HOT positions at two HUGE media powerhouses and then having it ripped out from under me, I’ve had my fair share of cry sessions and existential crises. Probably more than my fair share actually. I probably took your share, your Mama’s share, and your best girlfriend’s share too. Sorry ’bout it.

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

I know it’s ridiculous to fall down and be so emotional when I’m blessed with so many privileges. I have a Mom that loves me and has taken me in when I had nowhere else to go. I have a roof over my head and food on the table, I have friends, and I have a clean bill of health (although I’m only assuming since it’s been forever since I’ve been to the doctor). That’s more than most people can say. I want to learn to stop crying and spiraling into sad music and Buffy re-runs, and learn to take the angst, disappointment, and fear I feel into something productive, like I dunno, writing maybe?

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

I think part of my problem is that I don’t have a journal to write in. I finished my first journal, which was a BIG DEAL for me. But now I don’t have a place to let my brain wander and to let my heart release all the feels. I think I got so used to writing in a journal that now that I don’t have one I’m not sure what to do with all my emotions. Not sure that it’s a good thing, but as a writer I’ll take a strong relationship with journal-ing, even if it is a dysfunctional one. Don’t lots of the greats have weird journal relationships too? Or am I just making that up to make myself sound less like a person whose sanity and well-being is dependant on an empty book? In lieu of a journal, I’ve spent most of my time SEPTA-ing back and forth to visit my boos, which was clearly better than a big bag of hot chips and a Diet Coke with this recent flurry of bitch weather.

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos? Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos? Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos? Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

I felt like hitting up Michelle Kwan for some tips because you had to ice skate everywhere. And for someone bougie like me the prospect of falling is pure horror. I simply put it in my head that it is impossible for me to fall, because I will it to be so. Thus far, it’s worked. I haven’t fallen once all winter, but I’ll be sure to keep y’all updated.

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos? Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

But all bougieness aside, being in a relationship with my two angels has helped me to embrace the imperfection not only in myself, but also in the world. Sure, a big snowstorm that sent buses into emergency schedules could be a real inconvenience. But it could also be fun to trudge through the snow together, talk about plans, and enjoy the scenery for a minute, instead of being in our own isolated world created by loud headphones. They’re reminding me to slow down and remember that simple things can be just as meaningful as a new movie or video game, except simple things are usually free and shorter.

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos? Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

I’m learning that I don’t need to do crazy poses for pictures and that just standing there and being myself can be just as sickening. And I’m learning that having fun in a relationship doesn’t need to be all about grand gestures and money. Like when I’m with them we usually watch my DVD seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race and gag and laugh the day away, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

The point of this post isn’t to humble brag about my new relationship because if you hadn’t noticed I haven’t mentioned either of their names or shown either of their faces. I’m not shy and I couldn’t curr less about people’s judgments (see: I could NEVER be in a relationship like that), and they certainly wouldn’t mind me showing them off. I wanted to focus on relationships in general, and how we should always be getting something positive out of them. I’m grateful for boyfriends, sure. Especially following my streak of exclusively seeing assholes (pun NOT intended, because I’m NOT that easy or loosey-goosey). But more than being grateful for boyfriends, I’m grateful to have two people who push me to love myself, to be the best me that I can be, and to be the kind of badass that always gets back up when life knocks them down. If you’re in a stagnant relationship, of any kind, you should probably find the nearest exit for both of your sakes and just save yourself the slow falling out of touch.

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos? Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos? Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

So between most of my broken shit I’m going to get my life together and start writing my tiny, opposite of J-Lo ass off. I’m going to write about stuff that matters, not only to me, but to the world. I know I’m not the best, and that I have exponentially more to learn about writing before I’m ever a big player, but I’m willing to put in the work and the late nights. Look at this post, for example. Not long ago I would’ve died at the thought of writing something over 1,000 words, let alone reaching 1,351 words before I’m even done. This is the product of having good people around you, and I don’t just mean my boyfriends this time. I mean my Mom, my best friends, and even my dog King, who casually, but not so casually, peers into my room from time to time with a look of utter confusion at why I’m still sitting at this glowing box and not outside or downstairs playing with him.

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?

Gay on a Budget >> Am I Nuts For Loving Chaos?